I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
