great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
