I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
