We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
