Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
