the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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