Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
