I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wear drunk well.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
