I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think my mom watched the whole time
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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