I think my fart just growled at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
