So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
