why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I AM VODKA MAN
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
