i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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