yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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