Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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