I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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