So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
