Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
