I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
