I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
