my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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