Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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