So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
