I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
