got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
