Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
