everyone is single if you try hard enough
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
