I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
