When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
