I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In other news, I just burned my penis
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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