just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
