phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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