I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
