Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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