You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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