NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
