I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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