I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
