My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
