in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
