I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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