Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
