Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
