so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
