I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
