I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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