help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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