Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
