Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
