They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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