Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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