First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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