Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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