is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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