Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
