Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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