we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am mentally ready for anal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
